kristin has been a bad kristin
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
