Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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