the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
