Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
