No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
