like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
