Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
