OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize