My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Found the puke drawer
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
