Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
