We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Why is your signature on my underwear?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
