sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
