my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
