I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
