yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
There are leaves in my underwear?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize