i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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