I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
