I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My bed smells like the plague
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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