Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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