I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
now i know why i became what i already was.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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