I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
