how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I party with great urgency now.
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