is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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