I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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