sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
There's even glitter on my cock...
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