I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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