Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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