haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
