I wish my penis had an off switch
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
