the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize