no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
