I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
