I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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