Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just found a bag of teeth...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize