Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
