He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize