Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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