I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
