I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
