I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
