I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
