i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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