After last night, I could never be a politician.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
