Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
