clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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