I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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