im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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