He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
