she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
