I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
