i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize