After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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