Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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