Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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