I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
