Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize