I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
