So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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