Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
