why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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