Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
