my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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