It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
