I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
