So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
