Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
