So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize