thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
