I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
