so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
