You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize