dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
