Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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