My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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