I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
