you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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