hell yes lets make some ravioli
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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