ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
