If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it hurts more in the daytime
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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