Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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