I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
