just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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