Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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