He kissed a someone with a penis
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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