I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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