Cold hands, warm shart.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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