and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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