So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Randomize
