Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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