I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
