and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize