apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
