I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
