Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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