I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
