I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We just shotgunned beers for America
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
