just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
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